Day 11 of Singlehood. Weather: mild cloud cover, damp. Mood: sore as a sarding/fat
Do you have friends from highschool (or even earlier) who you just know are going to be important people in a few years/are important people now? I do, in fact, most of the people I knew in high school fall into this classification. But I want to talk about one in particular, my old speech and debate partner, My Parents’ Favorite (MPF). I call him this because whenever my father would drive us to debate tournaments, I would be relegated to the back seat so that MPF could sit up front. My father also bought peanut M&M’s for MPF all the time, and these M&M’s were ONLY for MPF. If he caught me sneaking some, I was in big trouble, because those were MPF’s candies and I was fat enough already. I used to “joke” that my parents loved MPF more than me and were more interested in him anyway and would willingly trade me (although, I don’t know how funny that joke actually was because I was only 80% kidding).
MPF definitely noticed the attention he was getting, too. Everytime he came over to my house for a party, my parents would pounce on him and begin the interrogation about what was going on in his life. The most recent get together I had in December was the exception to this, and MPF was at a bit of a loss. “Miss Anthropy,” he said in an aside, “your dad hasn’t jumped on me yet, it’s kind of weird.” I offered to go admonish my father for his lack of attention, but MPF was swift to assure me that it wasn’t necessary. Of course, I did it anyway and then walked away snickering, leaving MPF cowering before my father’s interest. Ha. I’d do it again. In fact, it’s almost certain that I WILL do it again.
Anyway, I’m glad that My Parents’ Favorite has gotten into an EXCELLENT law school (this is your reward), and I hope that he goes into marital law, or whatever it’s called, so he can handle what I’m sure will become a long string of divorces. Also my prenup agreements, since I don’t want my trophy husbands mooching off of my many riches. Congratulations, and also GODDAMN YOU! Do you realize what this means for me? Your success, and my parents’ knowledge of it, means that I look like an underachiever in comparison and now I need to work harder! I’m too bloody happy cruising through my college education; I don’t even know how to exert myself anymore, so clearly you’re going to have to bring your game down a little because I’m incapable of stepping my own up. Thanks a lot, you jerk.
I’m also happy that he went to school at Puget Sound, and will probably be going to U Chicago for law school; since he seems to naturally suck all attention away from me, I’m pretty sure I’d never get a date if he were around all the time. Conversely, if he WAS here, I could blame my lack of dates on him and have a reasonable precedent for doing so. Maybe I like that idea better…
